


The Book of Phod

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Crack, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 01:08:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12948027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: God takes a liking to Phil Lester.





	The Book of Phod

“Let there be light!” boomed the almighty God. From his fingertips sprang a myriad of colours, matter, and ideas that erupted in a grand supernova.  
One of those ideas arose in the form of a pale-skinned bipedal with black hair that of all traits, looked a titch unnatural on his pale skin.  
Not that God was complaining. Call him egoistical, but God allowed himself a little pride after witnessing what might be his best creation in the universe—something he would proudly call Phil Lester.

“And what have we here?” God thought aloud, peering down upon the creature that seemed immersed in his own little world as it cuddled a fluffly four-legged creature.  
During his creative explosion, God had not been conscious of what he was creating. He simply poured his soul into his creations, and he thought of all that was moral, beautiful, angelic, and holy on this Earth he had managed to erect.

Perhaps Phil might be an angel, God pondered. After all, he appeared to glow and carry a mysterious, ethereal glow about him.  
As he took in the micro-sized (at least as it appeared to the towering God) human being, God thought he quite enjoyed the idea of his Phil being an angel.  
And so, God decided to commit himself to this human and to Earth.  
But first, a greeting. 

“Hello Phil,” said God, thus instilling within humans the urge to friendly greet other humans.  
“Oh my God,” Phil cried. “You’re so big, and I’m so small.”  
“Do not use the name of the Lord thy God in vain” God boomed.  
“Yes, daddy.”  
God deflated instantly, and his next words were calmer.

“I will miss you dearly Philip. And should there be strife, I shall forever remain your sanctuary, your heaven.”  
“Er, what?”  
“I apologise. I do not wish to remove your agency, but there is little time before the next generation of humans will make themselves known on this planet, I merely wish to get to know you better in this short time we are granted.”  
“Okaaay,” Phil said bemusedly but not unkindly. 

“So, tell me, what is it you would like to see most in the world?”  
“That is a very good question, but one I’m afraid I cannot answer without more experience.”  
Disappointed, God murmured, “I will miss you dearly, Philip,” and then waved his hand in front of Phil’s body.  
Phil gazed at him in a dazed stupor.  
“And I, you,” Phil confessed.

“But fear not, little one. You will be remembered forever. I bestow upon you, in your honour, the name, Phod.”  
“Thank you,” Phil said, a star-struck gleam in his eyes.  
“I will be indebted to you for eternity. However shall I repay you?”  
“Oh, Philip, there will be no need, I know you mean well, your time on Earth will be mine to cherish. But if you would like, I can put you in my navel?”

I beat of silence passed when God thought his angel might refuse his offer even after having...manipulated him, but finally,  
“Of course, father.”

So, God plucked Phil up with two fingers without so much as a squeak from Phil, and deposited him in his belly button. 

And then, Phil Lester died, having played into his innermost temptations. No one had to know for the time being, though.

To the rest of humankind, who would arrive after billions of years, Phil’s legacy would live on, and people would peruse with reverence the Book of Phod.

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by dear Daniel's tweet reply: https://twitter.com/danielhowell/status/938924743557820416
> 
> (Someone please tell me if this is offensive and if I should take it down! I'm sorry if posting this is a bit callous of me. I promise I mean no harm with regards to religion)


End file.
